Notice how I now blog in a narrative mode of what goes on in my life in a post format?

means only after incidents happened and gone w/o inclusion of in-depth thoughts like i would've blogged few years back? somehow maybe all the thoughts comes and goes quickly while at work i didn't have the luxury of time to blog in the 'right here right now' way.

till the end of the day, i forget most of the things already.

sometimes looking at the comments left behind or at least checkin if there's any,
i wonder who's reading my blog and how often do they bother to check about me.

for me? everyday i read through all my friend's blogs.

somehow it's weird. like experiences differs even in the same workin environment.
in the past i thought my previous stint in a particular MNC is a good position that can be for good. now i'm thankful i wasnt given a full time position there. somehow it feels very much like being stuck in the mud. no progression. a place where ten years flies by so quickly and you see yourself being surrounded by ur kids and a husband and with not much 'interesting' experiences/learning journey to speak of.

asked about work and you can say 'oh it's fine' but nothing in particular to share about.

though my current job is more hectic, but actually things are much more peaceful now that i found a pace and is more familiar with work procedures, it's fun. it revolves around what i like and my position helps promote what i like so it's fine. it provides me motivation to do what i do with more zest and responsibility to the better of the organization.

i play a small role for now yes, but i don't believe it's not important.

i'm a devil's advocate of my belief. i don't impose it unto others but i do mention it to others alot.

what i believe? the smaller role u r the more vital u r. u form the basic of the chain where a mistake frm u will ripple thro the chain and when foundations are weak/wrong, all else will not be right.

some believes the small things are not worth paying attention. solving the big ones are.

if u're incapable of even solving a minor issue, how to entrust u in solving the big one without repercussions?

gu came home from work full of grumbles.
it's been 2 days in a row already.
"tai chi" is a common practice everywhere now i suppose.

somehow his experience at work differs from me. perhaps it's just due to how others react with the way he work and i worked or our personalities or even our gender.

what does one expect when entering the working life? when having to interact with your colleagues whether frm the same dept or other depts, what do you expect? what seems to be friendliness, dare you think of it as friendship? when they smile at u, is there a hidden agenda? do u trust 100% someone frm work and dare to let known everything about you? how to sift through and know who are the ones you can allow into your inner circle and who are the ones that could only remain at the doorstep but still maintain friendliness?

first and foremost, to think u can enter a company and not expect backstabbers or gossipers, u're an idiot. but to be overly defensive and looking at everyone with a single spectacle of thoughts, that's not right either.

then how?

i know i can observe ppl easily thro their body language, they way they talk, they way the answer me. it could be via one sms or anything at all. then i gather information to know whether on wad level and wad things i can trust u on. trust has many levels. from alot to very little and also the WHAT factor. you can trust a person to do a good job but you may not trust him to cover ur ass if u make a mistake. that sorta things. i tend to be very open in welcoming ppl but once i catch a hint of something that's not wad it seems on the surface about that person, i draw back a step to observe more. that's just to reconfirm my observation. and when it's confirmed, well, no need to be disappointed. just take a step back. what's there to take to heart? only yourself to blame for not being observant enough since there's so many types of people out there in the world. i guess everyone has to find a way to protect themselves or rather to either make use of their strengths or to learn ways to protect themselves. being observant may be inborn or accquired via learning.

i noticed something different about me. i can pinpoint the difference but i'm not sure if my explaination for it is really wad it is. i feel a bit numb. in the past, i do trust ppl alot. almost v naively believing my 'friends'. disappointments was felt at its fullest when things turned sour between friendships whether mine or btwn my friends. over the years after having settled down on knowing who are truly my friends for life and their behaviour pattern, disappointments are lessened as you grow more accustomed to it and for new ppl entering into our lifes, i don't place alot of hope on them actually. i just let it flow and if it's fated for me n u to go far, it will. i guess since i thought alot about random topics in the past i sorta exhausted certain topics to think more lol. then nowadays brain already settled down with answers so less 'active' in search for more. welcoming new info but i guess i know what i already know.

i learnt a new thing at work tho. it's from a one-off comment frm my lady superior actually. think she mentioned it during the first month of my work here.

"ask questions effectively"

i guess it's damn impt. for life or my job. the way she told me about it was in a more or less negligent manner but i kept it in mind all these while. it forms almost the basic of everything i do at work now since i get lotsa job request frm other dept. franky u can't expect other dept to understand ur procedures for ur dept or ur position. u have to tell them. seriously. so it's up to u to post all the queries u can think of to them that's relevant in narrowing down to a clear cut instruction of wad they want, how they want it, when they want it etc.

then my colleague, a fellow coordinator, taught me something else. protecting ur boundaries. know ur job scope and do what's required of you and not otherwise. not saying favours is out of the question but when a firm line needs to be drawn, u have to draw it. when it's not in ur position to do this favour while another dept is actually more appropriate, and i guess i obviously knew once i relent the fellah will keep coming back to me and i'll be damn busy doin things that's not mine to care, i'll drop an 'official' email suggesting the fella to approach the other dept cos more appropriate etc. lol my fellow cooridinator is a very straightforward person with a very candid personality. much as she can be abit blunt and abrasive at times (not to me tho hurhur), she did offend quite a number of ppl. the way i do things differs greatly frm her and based on ur observation, i'm very composed. even when there's urgency and frustration, i don't seem flustered at all. i guess i am all shocked absorbed lol so when i stoning they think i composed hahaha anyhow i like her as a person and allowed her into my inner circle and talks to her alot.

on a separate topic, i'm happy that sano's happy lol

i'm happy that he is cheering up FINALLY after like what? 1.5 years ++++++++!?

lol nonetheless i'm happy lah cos his my best buddy ever and it's not a one-sided wish but mutually felt connection.

"you're always the first to know"

muahahaha i guess i take pride in knowing that line.

*winks @ susu*

oh yea, did i mention that sano is now a full-time baby sitter?

lol now he has to buy pampers and be trottled over by two toddlers at home.

shaufi'e has a new baby brother!!! name is shauki. heh. damn cute babeh!!!

too bad didn't get to see new babeh yet. last time i carried shaufi'e was ages ago. now the kiddo grown up alot. haiz.